Best homie, Dustina, is getting married.
We wisked her away last weekend to celebrate and SHOWER her (get it) with love and friendship and way too much food and also jokesjokesjokes.
Let me walk you through the weekend:
Friday DOUBLE Kleinfelds appointments, fitting for Dustina's-make-you-cry-because-she's-just-too-effing-pretty dress
followed by shopping for my homie, Erika's gown.
What we learned? It's hard to find a dress, Dustina is pretty and I'm really good at Kleinfelds.
Then we went to the Hudson Valley. To a house next to a pond next to another pond next to a lake. WITH PADDLE BOATS AND MAYBE A GIANT FISH MONSTER.
Our fine ass bestie, Juliette, catered. It ruled.
We had a photobooth. With fascinators.
And English tea.
I wrote a roast with puppets and also rapped.
Someone else made a video.
We all got feelingsey.
Then played cards against humanity.
And I walked away knowing, with certainty, that friendships like the ones I have with these ladies are special. We've grown up together, been messy together, told an obscene amount of yourmom/yourbutt jokes together and have experienced a remarkable level of intimacy just by sticking it out, showing up and sometimes being vulnerable.
These b's are the ones I would turn to if I, like, needed a kidney. It's that real.
History is kind of an amazing thing, sometimes.
So is full on love.
Fanciest wedding I may ever go to.
IT WAS LIKE PROM.
CONGRATS TO THE BEAUTIFUL COUPLE.
Check out my banging group of best lady friends
My immensely awesome friends Jamie and Asher are getting married tomorrow at the New York Public Library. It's going to be faaaancy. Jamie's going to look like a princess. I'm probably going to look like a really weird mermaid. Weddings are totally sometimes like grown up prom.
Anyway. Jamie and Asher are really special and so I recorded a rapping e-card for them dressed like a garden gnome named Schmuel.
Things to know: Jamie wanted a Christmas tree one year. On account of, you know, Judaism, Asher said no. So, they created GNOMENON, where they can, at any moment in the entire month of december, give each other a gnome gift. It's genius. And yes, friends, they are getting married during gnomenon.
Other things to know:
-They have a same sex Ketubah (marriage contract) because they're cool and gender etc.
-Chatah means Groom. Kallah means bride.
-Asher makes furniture. His last name is Israelow. She is taking it.
-Daven is to pray
-There will inevitably be women not dressed appropriately when we're at B'nai Jeshurun, the temple where the actual ceremony is
-People call it BJ
-I've never successfully embedded a video to my website before
So my numero uno bestie, the fantastic Dustina WS is getting married. Which means I get to do a bunch of stuff for her wedding. I've been in a few bridal parties before and I'm usually given funny or fun tasks like "choreograph a bridesmaids dance" (it, for sure, included a really weird shimmy, the running man and the shopping cart)
We went dress shopping. At the Say Yes to the Dress place. Apparently, all the famous TV dress people were there. I've never seen the show and made filthy jokes from the couch.
It was all so tasteful. D found her dress and I cried a little.
But is it so wrong to want a little ridiculousness in the dress shop process? Like a dress montage?
Fun fact: these ladies take wedding dresses like RULL seriously.
But I wanted a little of these in my life. Cause, come on, you guys.
When I get married...it's ON.
I am an optimist.