So I for sure need to learn how to write beats.
But I wrote a song called "Shake Your Honey Maker" that starts at 1:41.
But I decided to write a blog post.
I'll try to write one everyday, ala a bunch of hip playwrights. I'll probably fail. They all seem to take cool photos and make astute 40 character or less observations about the world. I can barely fart in 40 characters or less.
Umm ok here are some highlights even though the person who reads this blog is mostly my grandma (hi gram I love you you are my favorite person in the world)...
Got into Youngblood and I love it.
That dude and I still love each other. Gross.
I still don't own rainboots like a grown up
I wrote this play about New Jersey that I love
I've written so many vagina jokes and so many raps and LOCKED UP B*TCHES is a full length and I perform all the time and it's not a joke anymore.
I've eaten a lot of sweetgreen like an asshole.
I have started a new fitness thing. I look stupid doing it.
I appreciate my family way more than I did
I was, at one point, 30 feet from Tina Fey
I did my taxes and didn't feel like I was having a nervous breakdown
I am proud of my parents
I'm phasing out of babysitting (hey universe thanks for those paying enjoyable writing jobs DOPE)
I like the present and am optimistic about the future.
I still want a dog. I'm looking for a lease that allows a dog.
I like bitmojis.
One of the characters in LOCKED UP B*TCHES is going to give birth to about a hundred puppies next week. I figured beanie babies would be good. I texted my mom, who has been on me about my health, about my old collection. And then this happened. Note "Chuwawa" is in reference to my rap alias "Chihuahua Fancy"
My mom rules.
I am babysitting this super genius who isn't in kindergarten and already is reading books at a third grade reading level. I text my mom, the literacy specialist about it. And it's all kind of downhill from there.
Maybe "texts from my mom" will become a series on this blog.
Guys one of my nearest and dearest is getting married (actually this year like 8 million of my friends are) and this means tonight I'm going to an establishment called "Hunkomania" near Times Square.
I went on their website.
I learned the world of Magic Mike is real.
And that Lady Gaga goes to strip clubs
I think I'm gonna wear this.
That's good, right?
I taught at NC governors school for one day this summer. The students were rad. Apparently they liked me, too. Below is the title of their Facebook group which all 20 something of them still use to communicate. Shaping young minds, you guys.
So LOCKED UP B*TCHES is a parody of "Orange is the New Black" set in an animal shelter I've been writing for this episodic late night serialized short play competition. LUB is also rap musical. We've been doing it at serials@theflea and it's been one of the most fun things I've ever worked on. It's also been one of the most exhausting. So much rapping. So many jokes. Come see us if you're in New York. Here are enticing photos.
I am an optimist.